About this episode
Michele Morley brings you another episode of the Yes! Women’s Network Podcast, this time featuring Valinda Hanks, who shares her personal journey of juggling the many roles women carry every day: business owner or employee, wife, daughter, grandmother, sister, and friend. Valinda opens up about what it really means to set priorities, why balance is never equal, and how learning to be present changed her relationships with her kids and grandkids.
Why Balance Isn’t Equal
You wear a lot of hats. Some days you’re closing deals, other days you’re driving carpool, and somewhere in between you’re trying to be a good daughter, sister, and friend. Valinda points out that balance doesn’t mean giving equal time to everything every single day. Some seasons demand more from your career. Other seasons pull you toward family. That shifting isn’t failure, it’s normal, and giving yourself permission to lean into whichever priority the moment requires can relieve a lot of guilt.
The key, according to Valinda, is making sure that before work pulls you away at odd hours, you’ve already made your family the priority earlier in the day. That way, when a late night is unavoidable, you’re not choosing work over family, you’re simply managing the order of your priorities.
Learning to Be Present Instead of Productive
Early in her career, Valinda’s kids nicknamed her “the go-getter” and “the cleaner” because she spent her time at home doing chores instead of connecting with them. She admits she’d pick up a fork before her kids even finished eating. Looking back, she recognizes that constant productivity at home came at the cost of real connection.
That realization became one of her biggest lessons: being present matters more than having a spotless house. Kids don’t remember a tidy kitchen, they remember whether you sat down and paid attention to them.
Cherishing the Grandparent Years
Now a grandmother, Valinda sees time differently. She talks to her grandkids once or twice a week and visits often, and she has made a conscious choice to put her phone down and simply listen, even when they tell her the same story three or four times.
“I’ve learned that I have to put my phone down. I can’t answer that email. I just have to be there and be present while they’re there.”
She recognizes that these repeated stories and small visits are the memories that will last, both for her and for her grandchildren. That shift from managing tasks to being fully present is something she wishes she had learned decades earlier.
Creating One on One Time That Matters
Valinda didn’t just decide to be more present in theory, she built it into her schedule. Each month, she sets aside one day for each grandchild to spend individual time with her. Sometimes that means shopping, sometimes it’s baseball or miniature golf. The activity matters less than the dedicated, undivided attention each child receives.
This kind of intentional scheduling is a practical takeaway for anyone struggling to balance work and family. If presence doesn’t happen naturally, build it into your calendar the same way you’d schedule a client meeting or a work deadline.
Never Apologize for Answering a Family Call
Valinda shares a story from a recent business trip. While sitting at a bar near a mastermind event, her phone rang. It was her son, who calls her every day on his way home from work. She stepped away from a conversation with two strangers to take the call, then apologized for the interruption when she returned.
“Never apologize for taking a phone call from your kids, your family.”
One of the men she was speaking with told her he hadn’t spoken to his mother in four years. His words reinforced something Valinda already believed: those small, everyday moments with family are irreplaceable, and you can’t get them back once they’re gone.
Redefining What You Want to Be Known For
At the heart of Valinda’s message is a simple but powerful idea: work will always be there, but the moments with the people you love are fleeting. She wants to be remembered not for how productive she was, but for being present, for listening, and for showing up when her kids, grandkids, and friends needed her most.
That mindset shift, from productivity to presence, is something every woman juggling multiple roles can apply, regardless of career stage or family structure.
Action Steps
- Give yourself permission to shift your focus between work and family depending on the season you’re in, without guilt.
- Put your phone away during family time, even if it means missing an email or a notification.
- Schedule dedicated one on one time with the people who matter most, just as you would schedule a work commitment.
- Answer the calls that matter to you without apologizing, because those moments cannot be recreated later.
- Reflect on what you want to be remembered for, and let that guide how you spend your time today.
Balancing work, family, and personal well being isn’t about perfect equality, it’s about presence in the moments that count. Valinda Hanks’ story is a reminder that the small choices you make today, like putting down your phone or scheduling one on one time, become the memories that last a lifetime.
About the guest
Valinda Hanks
Read the full transcript
This automated transcript has been lightly formatted for readability and may contain errors.
[00:00:00] [00:00:05] [00:00:10] [00:00:15] [00:00:20] [00:00:25] Hi, I’m Valinda with Yes Women’s Win Network. I wanted to talk today a little [00:00:30] bit about something I think we all can relate to: juggling work [00:00:35] family being a grandma. There are just so many hats that all of us wear all [00:00:40] the time. We’re business owners we’re employees we’re wives we’re [00:00:45] daughters we’re grandmothers we’re sisters friends and seems like we’re [00:00:50] always at someone else’s beck and call We’re [00:00:55] expected to make things easy make things good for everyone around [00:01:00] us and sometimes we just need to take time for ourselves.
There’s days [00:01:05] that I feel like I’m just running around from one thing to another, answering phones [00:01:10] answering emails, planning events just everything [00:01:15] imaginable. And then all of a sudden I’ll get a call from either one of my kids my [00:01:20] grandkids and that’s really what matters to [00:01:25] me. Work is important to me and I love my career, but my [00:01:30] family is my heart and if they need me that’s where I’m gonna be. [00:01:35] Over the years, I’ve had to learn balance because balance isn’t easy [00:01:40] isn’t even. It’s not equal.
Sometimes we have to put more [00:01:45] into work. Sometimes we have to put more into family and that’s okay. It’s [00:01:50] okay to not have everything equal. Sometimes my work will [00:01:55] need me at 10:00 at night but before that I’ve made sure that [00:02:00] I’ve made my family the priority so that I can take that moment and [00:02:05] do what I need to do for work. I think that’s one lesson that I learned [00:02:10] early on was my kids used to joke and call me the go-getter [00:02:15] and the cleaner because that’s all I ever did when I came home from work.
[00:02:20] I had to have the dishes. I had to do everything. They’d say I’d pick up the fork before they [00:02:25] finished eating. So I had to learn to be present [00:02:30] in the moment that was more important than making sure [00:02:35] everything in the house was put away and done. So that’s one big lesson I’ve learned [00:02:40] is making time making that moment with your kids [00:02:45] special because now at my age being a grandma I look [00:02:50] back and it goes so fast.
Now I cherish those moments. When my [00:02:55] grandkids call me they call me once or twice a week and they come and visit [00:03:00] and those moments are what I cherish. I’ve learned that I have to put my phone down. [00:03:05] I can’t answer that email. I just have to be there and be present while they’re [00:03:10] there.
They may tell me the same story three or four times, but do you know what? That’s what matters to [00:03:15] them. And so I sit there quietly and listen and grin, [00:03:20] but someday those are gonna be the memories I have and cherish, and they’re gonna be the [00:03:25] memories they have as well But like I said when I was a younger mom [00:03:30] I would get home from work and you have to run everyone around. You have to get dinner [00:03:35] you have to take them to sports you have to do all that stuff. And sometimes I think we don’t [00:03:40] stop and realize that we do need to be present for [00:03:45] them.
So what I’ve started doing is making like a schedule. Having my [00:03:50] kids, one day a month, my grandkids will spend a day with each of them. [00:03:55] And we go maybe we’ll go shopping. Ah, the boys like to go baseball or miniature golf or [00:04:00] something, you know. But it’s just their day and I spend that time with them.
[00:04:05] And a few weeks ago I was at a board of advisors mastermind, [00:04:10] and I decided just to go across the street to this little spirits grill that’s across the [00:04:15] street. It’s like a little cheers bar is what it’s like. And so I go in sit [00:04:20] down gonna have myself a meal and there’s two gentlemen sitting the side of me, so we start [00:04:25] talking. Well in the middle of us talking, my phone rings, and I said, [00:04:30] “Oh, excuse me, I’ve got to take this call.” And it was my son.
My sons [00:04:35] call me every day on their way home from work. And so I sat there and talked [00:04:40] to them for the fifteen minutes, going back and forth. Well, when I got off the [00:04:45] call, I turned to the gentleman and said, “I’m sorry. That, that’s just an important call to [00:04:50] me to answer. You know, I didn’t mean to be rude or anything.”
He said, “Who was it?” [00:04:55] And I told him my son, and they’re like, “Never apologize for taking a phone call from your [00:05:00] kids, your family,” because the one gentleman said, “I haven’t spoke to my mom in four years.” [00:05:05] He’s like, “So those moments are precious. You can’t get those moments [00:05:10] back.” And so I encourage all of you, even though we have our [00:05:15] jobs, we have our families, everything has a purpose and a time [00:05:20] for us to put the amount of energy we need into it.
[00:05:25] But one thing that I feel I wanna be known for is [00:05:30] that I was there, and I listened, and I was present at the time my [00:05:35] kids and grandkids and friends needed me. [00:05:40] [00:05:45] [00:05:50] [00:05:55] [00:06:00] [00:06:05]
